Dr. Eric Berne in his last public speech stated, “Therapy should be like a poker game. In other words, the result is what counts…You either win or you lose…You’ve got to know what’s happening in each hand…A lot of the game depends on getting to know the other guys and what they are doing. So maybe what I’m saying is that big words are hiding the reality of what’s going on between people…”
Do you realize that from the time people are born they are being taught how to think, feel, perceive and behave? How do we get to the place that we have free will over our lives without the influences of our greater environment?
Attainment of autonomy requires us to overthrow what we decide to be irrelevant in our lives. That requires a great deal of courage as we are rebelling against what we were taught by parents, society and friends. Once achieved, however, we are able to engage in life without playing games.
Awareness transcends all classifications of behaviors; spontaneity rises above past programming and intimacy is much more rewarding than games. There are many issues that arise in our lives, that are under our conscious decision-making such as addictions and relationships, which may attempt to pull us back into the game playing.
Just for yourself, and just for today, observe spontaneous social activity. What you will begin to observe is that people show noticeable changes in posture, points of view, voice, word choices, and other aspects of behavior. Behavioral changes are often accompanied by shifts in feelings. These changes give rise to the ego states. Ego states can either take us back into game playing or we can decide to be autonomous and life our lives freely and completely. The choice is yours.
“Games are a compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away. – Eric Berne.